DR. PETER RHEE: If I don't come back, I want to make sure my parents are OK, my siblings are OK and certainly my family is OK.

NARRATOR: In this episode of "Mayo Clinic Employee Experiences," Drs. Peter and Laura Rhee share their experiences as a military family. Peter also served as a major in the U.S. Air Force. They discuss deployment, the challenges that face military families and support for each other.

I knew that I wanted to join the military. My dad was in the military and was everything that the military stands for. The good things — the sacrifice for your country and doing what's right for everyone in the world — were things that I've always wanted to do. I distinctly remember when I was in college, sitting there in the cafeteria at breakfast. And I remember this classmate of mine ran through the cafeteria door and said, "The World Trade Center's under attack." Just like everyone else that's probably listening now, it was a defining moment in our culture where you'll never forget where you were when you heard that. I remember at that point I knew I wanted to go to medical school, and it just sort of solidified the fact that I wanted to join the military, so that I could help in any capacity.

DR. LAURA RHEE: A lot of people ask me what it's like to be a military spouse. It's really hard to sum that up in a few words, but I always say it's one of the hardest and scariest times that you'll face. But it's also a time of a lot of growth and learning. Ultimately, you love your husband or wife who's serving in the military, you love your country and you're proud to support them. I think it made me a lot more aware and appreciative of the freedoms that we have.

DR. PETER RHEE: Being a service member, there are times when you feel so helpless because you're following the orders of someone else. You feel like you're dragging your family through all the emotions and different places that you have to travel. It was always reassuring to know that you were always supportive and never made me feel bad for doing the things I felt were right for the country and our family. And, for that, I'll always be grateful.

DR. LAURA RHEE: Peter's last deployment was to Afghanistan, and it occurred right before we ended up moving here to Rochester. We knew it was coming. We had been expecting this deployment for some time. But when you finally hear that your husband is headed to Afghanistan, it's still hard to prepare for that.

The other thing that is hard is trying to prepare your kids for the deployment. Our kids were 3 and 4 when Peter deployed. They were quite little, and it was difficult to get them to understand what was happening.

DR. PETER RHEE: Until I heard you say that Laura, I didn't even think about that. Obviously, I was concerned about how you would manage with these kids at home, with me being so far away. I'm sure you went through quite a bit of worry. That's something that I completely neglected because I was thinking about things that I had to do to get ready to deploy. You handled it as gracefully as possible because I never felt that stress from you.

DR. LAURA RHEE: I think the hardest part for me was the day that you left actually.

DR. PETER RHEE: It was your birthday.

DR. LAURA RHEE: It was my birthday. It was in the middle of a deployment cycle. We had to drop you off at the airport. I just remember wanting to make that process as fast as possible because it was so emotional. I knew if we lingered, it was going to be a bad thing and bad for the kids. But part of me didn't want to walk away. I remember driving out of the airport, looking in my rearview mirror and watching you walk into the airport. That was really hard.

DR. PETER RHEE: I remember that. To this day in my life as a parent ─ or just in my life ─ that was one of the saddest days I can remember. I remember the kids. We picked them up from school early, and I played with the kids as if it was another day. I just knew at five o'clock, I was not going to see you guys for a long time. If it was just us saying goodbye, it would have been much different. With the kids, I don't think they quite fully understood. I remember when we got to the airport, and William got out of the car. And I gave him a hug. And he was like, "Bye, Daddy." I didn't want to let go because I just knew I'd miss him so much.

DR. LAURA RHEE: One of the hardest things that you missed while you were gone was William's birthday. Our son turned five while Peter was deployed, and Peter and William are very close. They're practically the same person so I think it was a little difficult. But we tried to change that around into a positive thing. We sent cake. We baked cakes into mason jars and mailed it to Afghanistan. I was half afraid I was going to give everyone food poisoning, but I think you all survived.

DR. PETER RHEE: We all survived.

DR. LAURA RHEE: We sent plates and birthday napkins, and the guys had a birthday party in Afghanistan while we Facetimed. William was very excited. He's one of the only kids he knows that had a birthday celebrated half way around the world.

DR. PETER RHEE: And that was the nice thing when I was there. I was mostly with other physicians and surgeons who were in the same age group. That night, we were really busy, but that was the only chance to have this Facetime birthday party and they all knew. They dropped everything and put on the hats that you sent and had the Power Ranger plates. We had this Facetime because they all understood the sacrifices your family makes.

Those cakes were really good. It's amazing what a lot of frosting will do.

I distinctly remember being able to Facetime with the kids because I was going to bed there when you guys were waking up. Our oldest daughter — she was three — I just really missed her and I wanted to talk with her. She was running around playing and I remember she stopped by the computer. And maybe it was her way of acting out, but she looked at me straight in the computer. I said 'Don't you want to talk to Daddy?' She said "No. I don't love you." Being so far away, that was heartbreaking. I cried that night. It was tough. I know that she probably has forgotten that. But at that time, I'm sure it was tough on everyone at home.

DR. LAURA RHEE: Well she's definitely forgotten it because she's a daddy's girl for sure.

DR. PETER RHEE: That's because I give her candy. The other thing I'm grateful for is that, when I was gone, all these things happened and you would tell me everything after you handled everything. Not: 'The water heater broke. What should I do?' but it was more 'Last week, the water heater broke. We have a new one.'

'We just painted the whole house' or, 'We fixed this for the move.' I remember feeling so helpless. All I could do was send Amazon gifts.

DR. LAURA RHEE: One of the things that we tried to do for the kids was to really educate them on the deployment. We created what we called a "Daddy Wall." It had a map with a pin on it where Peter was located in Afghanistan. There was a clock on the wall that had Peter's time and lots of pictures that he would take and send to us. The kids were constantly looking to see: "What time is it where daddy is? Is he sleeping? Is he awake?"

And Peter also gave them a couple of books. One, in particular, was about this star that the deployed parent blows to the kids every night and the kids blow it back the next night. And every night that Peter was gone, we read that book. They loved it. They would never pick a different book.

The other thing the kids really enjoyed was sending care packages to Peter. Initially, I thought we would send one every two to three weeks. But they loved it so much, we ended up doing weekly care packages. The kids had so much fun coming up with different themes. As long as it was within reason, I let them pick out whatever they wanted to send. I'm sure he got some very interesting ones.

DR. PETER RHEE: A lot of Legos.

DR. LAURA RHEE: William put a lot of Legos in there with the intent that Daddy would bring them home to him.

DR. PETER RHEE: Those were the highlight. I would walk by the post office where they would have your boxes and always see these care packages that were nicely decorated. You could feel the love, which I certainly did when I needed it the most.

I like to think that I'm still young, and we have a young family, so I don't think about my own mortality very much. I'd say that the most shocking thing for me that I experienced was that, as part of the process to deploy, they have to make sure you have your dog tags in case you get injured. It has your blood type, your will, your life insurance, everything. Going through all that paperwork made me realize that I just had to be prepared. That was an emotion I never really thought about because I thought, "Of course, I'm going to live until I'm 100." And then thinking about. "If I don't come back, I want to make sure my parents are OK, my siblings are OK and, certainly, my family's OK.'

DR. LAURA RHEE: I would just encourage people to reach out to military families that they know, especially ones that have a parent deployed or a spouse deployed. Those families just need extra support and a lot of logistical help. They may not always ask for it because a lot of times military spouses are taught to really be self-reliant. That doesn't mean they don't need help. I would say even just listening and being present is wonderful, and the more that you can reach out to military families, the better.

DR. PETER RHEE: I think you nailed it in the sense that military families will tend to try to suffer and deal with it on their own. That just speaks to the resilience of military families and their spouses. I also would encourage people that if they know of anyone that's in the military and they get wind of them having to mobilize, reach out to them. Something that most military families won't ask for, but again, it's definitely needed. I know that when I was gone and having my friends say, "We're having your family over for dinner" or "We just stopped by to check in on them" made me feel good because as a husband and a father, I felt so helpless.

DR. LAURA RHEE: Meals are always a great option.

DR. PETER RHEE: That's right.

Our kids were so young that I felt like they would forget all this. I remember even going to our oldest daughter's Veterans Day event they had at their school. I don't know if it was a surprise or not, but I went up there and then the teacher said: "Your daddy was in the military. Why don't you go up there and stand next to him as he talks about what he went through." I remember our daughter walking up to the front of the class and holding my hand, and just that look on her face. I guess as much as a 4-year-old can have pride, I guess I felt that. I'll never forget that. That's something I hope I never lose.

NARRATOR: Military veterans and their family members are an important part of the Mayo Clinic workforce and our communities. Mayo Employee Resource Groups provide opportunities for you to connect with veterans and support military families. If you know of anyone in the military, reach out, offer support, express your gratitude and maybe drop off a meal.